


Acceptance

by thepriceofame



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur realizes a few things, Arthur/Gwen is kinda implied, But Arthur and Merlin are emotionally constipated, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Magic Revealed, Please read this my self esteem hit rock bottom and started digging, Post-Episode s04e03 The Wicked Day, Pre-Slash, So..., They just get together when Arthur comes back to life or something, Uther is an asshole as usual, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 21:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepriceofame/pseuds/thepriceofame
Summary: “Of course you’re not a sorcerer,” Arthur scoffs when Merlin tearfully tells him he has magic the night after his coronation. His father’s death is still fresh on his mind, as is the way he went out. A sorcerer had killed his father, and Merlin is too good to be one of them. But of course, Merlin is right. Cheeky, sweet Merlin, whose ears are too big for his head, who still has a stain in his pants from the time he spilled wine all over himself, is a sorcerer.





	Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'ed, so if anyone is interested in giving some constructive criticism, I'm open to it. Thanks for reading!

_The first step in grieving is denial._

 

“Of course you’re not a sorcerer,” Arthur scoffs when Merlin tearfully tells him he has magic the night after his coronation. His father’s death is still fresh on his mind, as is the way he went out. A sorcerer had killed his father, and Merlin is too good to be one of them. But of course, Merlin is right. Cheeky, sweet Merlin, whose ears are too big for his head, who still has a stain in his pants from the time he spilled wine all over himself, is a sorcerer.

**~☄~**

_The next step is anger,_ and Arthur is so, so angry. It’s been years since he met Merlin in the market. Years since he asked Arthur in that insolent way of his, “How long have you been training to be a prat, _my lord?_ ” Merlin has seen so much, and Arthur feels ashamed and vulnerable, like an animal that’s been cornered.

 

“How long?” he manages to gasp out. Merlin's gaze falls to the stone floor. He knows what Arthur is asking

 

“Since before we met,” he replies, voice barely audible. Merlin’s betrayal makes his vision go red with fury, and his whole body trembles as energy courses through his veins. Before he even realizes it, he has Merlin up against the wall, _Excalibur_ pointed at his traitorous, loyal-to-a-fault throat. Merlin is pale, but he holds Arthur’s gaze steadily, and Arthur _can’t_ , can’t kill his best friend, the man who lied to him for years. The harsh slap to Merlin’s face startles both of them, and Arthur’s servant can’t hold back a small gasp of pain. Arthur squeezes his eyes shut against the buildup of tears. Whether they’re out of anger or pain, he’s not sure.

 

“Leave me,” he says, and he hates how his voice trembles. Uther would have been ashamed.

 

“Yes, Sire.” Merlin’s voice is small, and he leaves the room quietly, the doom thudding softly behind him.

 

**~☄~**

 

_The next stage of grief is bargaining_ , but there is nothing for Arthur _to_ bargain. Merlin has magic, and that is that. Merlin comes in the next morning to find Arthur dressed and having a meal. George stands silently behind him as he eats.

 

“Ah, Merlin,” Arthur greets him indifferently and without feeling, as if Merlin is just a passing thought instead of the man that’s followed him faithfully wherever he went for the past seven years of his life. “I have no need of your services for the foreseeable future. You may leave now.” There is a cruel glint in his King’s eyes, and it sends a shard of ice through Merlin’s heart. George smirks from his place behind Arthur. _My place_. Merlin can’t help but think bitterly. Merlin bows shortly to his other half and strides briskly out of the room before he breaks down in front of George and begs Arthur to give him his place back at his King’s side. This new side Arthur hurts more than any goblet he’s thrown at the back of Merlin’s head, more than any bruise he’s given Merlin while sparring, and more than all the times he’s raved about the evils of magic, sounding like he was trying to convince himself more than Merlin.

 

Arthur cannot control the rush of shame he feels as he watches the door slam shut behind Merlin’s hunched shoulders. He can practically feel the glee radiating off of George, and the forcibly tamps down the urge to turn around and throttle that man.

“You’re dismissed,” Arthur says stiffly. George bows deeply and struts out the door like the self-righteous bastard he is with a “yes, Your Highness”. Arthur scowls deeply at the servant’s retreating figure.

 

Over the next wee, Arthur decimates exactly four practice dummies and puts two different knights on bedrest. Gaius sternly reprimands him for battering them so badly, especially with the imminent threat of Morgana hanging over all their heads, but the pitying look on the elderly physician’s face belays his words. Arthur hates how even Gwen seems to be walking on eggshells with him. He feels himself starting to crack under all of the pressure, and he can’t help but wonder, _What kind of King am I if I can’t even handle my manservant lying to me?_ Speaking of Merlin, Arthur hasn’t seen the younger man since he effectively sacked him the week before. It’s with this on his mind that Arthur summons his former manservant to his chamber. He almost starts when Merlin walks in; the sorcerer is a shadow of what he usually is. Merlin’s already prominent cheekbones only serve to highlight how hollow his face has become, and his ivory skin has taken on a sickly color

“Sire.” It’s not a question. There is no trace of emotion in Merlin’s voice. Arthur knows Merlin. Arthur _loves_ Merlin with all his heart, but it strikes him that his (former?) friend could easily kill him without moving a muscle. The darkness under Merlin’s eyes suddenly seems much more sinister. Arthur mentally shakes himself. Merlin has been his closet confidant for years, and it hurts to look at him now and hear the voice he reserves for knights he’s seen mistreat servants.

Which.

It pains him, but Arthur knows that that’s what he’s done in a way. In the seven years that Arthur has known Merlin, he’s only been able to bend his pride enough once to even tell his servant that he considers him a _friend_ , let alone give the man a reason to trust him. Hell, Arthur slapped him in the face that one time Merlin did trust him enough to put his life in Arthur’s hands. Arthur’s conscience berates him.

“Thank you.” The words slip past Arthur’s lips without permission, before he can hold them in, tuck them away for the later date that will never come, be he can’t regret them. Merlin holds his gaze for a moment, and, for a moment, he looks much older than his twenty-four years.

 

“You don’t know what you’re thanking me for, Arthur.” Merlin turns around and strides through the door, leaving Arthur to mull over what his words might mean.

 

**~☄~**

 

The next day it’s Merlin who wakes Arthur up, and when he returns from training, he finds a pile of books precariously stacked on his desk. Opening one of their leather bound covers, he is immediately hit by the fact that _can’t read the words._

They’re books of sorcery he realizes, and it is probably Merlin who left them laying about in the open where anyone could see them. Arthur hiffs to himself. Flipping through another book and looking at the illustrations within, he discovers that it is a book of healing magic. A small pang shoots through his stomach as he wonders how many times Merlin has had to use spells from this well-worn book to heal himself, and how many times it’s been Arthur’s fault that Merlin is using these spells.

**~☄~**

 

Arthur doesn’t know much about magic. These days, he feels like he knows even less about Merlin. The Merlin he knew didn’t know when to stay quiet. New Merlin is almost always silent. Arthur regrets all of the times he’s told Merlin to shut up.

 

**~☄~**

 

The day that he drops a goblet changes some things.

 

It’s business as usual-- that is-- until Arthur knocks his cup of wine off his desk. And then time freezes.

 

Suddenly, Merlin is there holding the cup, full of wine. After Merlin leaves with Arthur’s empty plate, he looks. There’s not a drop of wine on the ground.

 

Merlin starts to use magic in front of Arthur when he realizes he isn’t about to be executed for it. A week later, Arthur quietly lifts the ban on magic. It causes less of a stir in Camelot than he anticipated, and he realizes that maybe he has a little more to learn about the land he’s ruling that Uther taught him.

 

Merlin cracks his first real smile in three months, and it’s like the first ray of sun after a harsh winter.  Spring is coming; Arthur can feel it.

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin and Arthur need to chill the fuck out or I might combust.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr [right here](http://www.marvelouslybi.tumblr.com)!


End file.
